Black Tom : I'm Black Tom Cassidy.Wade Wilson : White Wade Wilson. It isn't too late. We're better than him! They need you. We can take it from here. I want you to have my Adventure Time watch. CABLE: So he keeps killing, and killing, and killing, and killing. Domino gets up from the driverâs seat. DEADPOOL: Oh, God! You are unwell. I cried when they canceled Felicity. Colossus! DEADPOOL: You know, it has always been a dream of mine to see my face reflected in your helmet as you charge at me with murderous intent. No, I'm gonna stick around for a while and make sure the world doesn't shit itself into oblivion. I’m never going to dance again.”- Deadpool “With training, you can be X-Men.”- Colossus (Stefan Kapicic) “Like Beyonce says, Please- Please stop cheating on me.”- Deadpool to Colossus “Stay back or Justin Bieber dies.”- There it is.Deadpool : Oh, that's the sun. Deadpool puts a âpictureâ of the Vanisher on the wall. CABLE: The name's Cable. I can hear you rummaging around in there. Cut back to Domino pursuing the convoy. DEADPOOL: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. #Cynical. He takes out one of his swords and throws it at Russell. VANESSA: May. DEADPOOL: Why are you dressed like the Unabomber? DEADPOOL: Russell. It doesn't have to be him. Russell sends another fireball at Deadpool, who dodges again. As he begins to transport, he screams. You got no family. Deadpool : No, you did it for me. He looks up to see all of X-Force being thrown around by the wind. Traffic? We all need a sense of belonging. Behind Russell, the prisoner gets up, revealed to be Juggernaut. Why don't you just say it in an Indian accent? Juggernaut kicks Cable into a nearby car. Justin Bieber. We are so fucked!Deadpool : No, we are most certainly not fucked.Deadpool : Seriously, I don't get it! As he gets close, Wade hits him with a metal pole. Wander the Earth-. Is it just me, or does âDo You Want to Build a Snowman?â from Frozen sound suspiciously like âPapa, Can You Hear Me?â From Yentl? DEADPOOL: Oh, God! I bet 50 years from now, we're bestest buddies. Including the one inside your brain. It lands near the scene. Wade picks up Cableâs gun and increases the dial. Deadpool : Fuck it. This is the family that I've always dreamed of having and Iâ¦ Ah, shit. DOPINDER: I was going to say "soul.â I want to fill my soul. Vanessa jumps behind the couch. He takes the men by surprise, killing them one by one. They begin making out. Undoubtedly, Ryan Reynolds, The Deadpool, has done one of […] WEASEL: Okay, look. I'm staying. DEADPOOL: What is that? The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. They're growing back. Deadpool whispers and strokes Peterâs face. A gunshot is heard and blood splatters all over the script. What in the actual ass? DEADPOOL: How in the fuck are you in already? First he rides my coattails with the R-rating, then the hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying! Deadpool: No, you did it for me. Deadpool stands near Bedlam as some paramedics try to revive him. Colossus walks past. RUSSELL: Watch my back.  I wanna do mine over. CABLE: Now, my family's safe. DEADPOOL: So what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh? DEADPOOL: I'll ask the questions. and Do You Want to Build a … WEASEL: Jesus! He's doing it. The industry discriminates. DEADPOOL: Because I've been inside you. So stay here in Chateau de Virgin while we go get our fuck on! Kevin with a "K"! Every man for themselves! Everyone on the helicopter. She opens the back door of the bus and sends the kids through. A number of men at a nearby table get up and point their guns at Deadpool. WADE: I'm gonna shower and get out of this suit. IRENE: There are two police vehicles that are overturned. I was raised in this place. That was absolutely thrilling. Cable shoots Juggernaut at point blank range, sending him flying backwards. âWelcome to the Partyâ by Diplo featuring French Montana, Lil Pump, and Zhavia Ward begins playing again as Colossus and Juggernaut begin fighting. I'm going to burn that headmaster alive. Heâs sent flying back into a news van. Cut back into the taxi. Just let it happen, okay? DEADPOOL: No! Vanessa sits in a chair. Colossus gets up. Still in slow motion, Cable picks up Deadpoolâs dropped gun and fires at Russell. DEADPOOL: You all know the plan. I was fighting a caped badass. Use my arms as backpack straps. Juggernaut! DEADPOOL: A bunch of armed pedophiles in nursing shoes. Russell throws a fireball. To get my revenge. Who knew these winds would be so strong? Guess what? DEADPOOL: They say millennials are the hardest to reach. WEASEL: It's a goddamn fanny pack, and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! Cut back inside. The fight for a moment. MAN: (In Cantonese) Whatever theyâre paying you, Iâll double it. She runs over to him. The bus crashes through a wall nearby. I don't want you to hurt me, and I'll tell you anything you wanna know. Cable : No, I didn't. Fun fact about the Ice Box, though no one's ever seen it, they keep a monster in the basement. DEADPOOL: Russell, I couldn't protect you back then. So, is it just me, or does Do You Want To Build A Snowman from Frozen sound suspiciously like Papa Can You Hear Me from Yentl? Dopinder reaches for the button. My pile of shit father took off and bailed. Did you feel that, too? So, respect. They both get up. He's unstoppable. WADE: You're wasting your time, Shiny Jesus. Cut to Cable running towards Russell. So one glass of wine, I justâ¦. Cable begins dislodging cells from the convoy. I didn't have a family, either. Cut inside the building. WADE: A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of. What a dick. RUSSELL: Fuck everyone. It was my job to stop people like him. What about your girl and your wife? DEADPOOL: So, basically, you're Dave Matthews. Ryan Reynolds : You're in the big leagues now, kid!Deadpool :You're welcome, Canada. WEASEL & DOMINO: I only do over the pants, mouth stuff. Wade? You're ruining everything! I got this. You stay here with your weird, secret sex lips. Except for where they are. Sluggo punches Russell in the face, sending the pen flying onto Wadeâs food tray. DOMINO: Okay, I'm over the convoy. He takes her cigarette from her and puts it out. Yukio ties Juggernautâs legs together with some electrified chains. Cut to Deadpool laying down on some barrels of gasoline and continuing to smoke. AL: Listen to the pain. Do you see that beautiful bright light? And three, at what point do audiences say, "Enough with the robotic arms?â. A sense of certainty that you can pull something off. CABLE: We don't have a lot of time. Cut to outside. Cable pulls out a gun. Transcripts Wiki is a FANDOM TV Community. Could've used one of those in the first act. DEADPOOL: Hey. Cut to shots of the convoy exiting the Ice Box. Deadpool attempts to screw off Juggernautâs helmet. Deadpool gets out of the cab. Russell stands outside surrounded by Police. I'm doing this alone. JUGGERNAUT: I'm gonna rip you in half now. RUSSELL: So you wear that helmet because your brother tries to read your mind? Let's go tip to tip. Wait, you can't go back. DEADPOOL: You said it yourself. So we can go after him without me. I'm gonna go there and be their Superman.Weasel : Isn't that Canada?Deadpool : You shut your goddamn trash mouth! Cable and Deadpool run over to Russell. I can't feelâ¦ Oh, no, they're right here. Russell turns. Luck is not a superpower! Cut back to Cable and Deadpool fighting orderlies, and then back to Domino. Heads, you did it for me. Papa, can you find me in the night? Cable pulls out a knife. Cells 7, 12, 14, 27. Black Tom watches the fight from his cell and laughs. WADE: Ness? He was a bit of a prick. COLOSSUS: That's how we do in Mother Russia. I like it. I don't know why I packed the hollow points. COLOSSUS: I'm not giving up on you, and you are not giving up on that boy. Colossus! He called you Justin Bieber. I am not X-Man material at all. Cut back inside the truck, Domino dispatches the driver and takes control of the truck. DEADPOOL: I think we may have found your cosmic reason for being here. Zeitgeistâs is caught in the woodchipper. RUSSELL: You're sick, I gotta protect you. Everyone begins to walk away. Nearby, Black Tom, Sluggo, and another mutant watch Wade and Russell. Russell continues chasing the headmaster. WADE: Oh, boy! He flicks his cigarette up into the air. Back outside, Colossus spits out one of his teeth and yells, charging Juggernaut, beating him for a few seconds, and throwing him into a bus. Vanessa opens the gift. Cable takes out some lip balm and begins applying it to his lips. NEGASONIC: Give him a chance. Deadpool and Cable dodge debris from the roof. Cut to Russell standing in the convoy. Cable reaches his gun. But I can't wait to never speak of this, as soon as possible. Papa can you find me in the night? You picked the wrong shithole to fuck, future boy. Time out! WADE: Jesus Christ, Buck! He shoots at Cable and then kicks him backwards. WADE: Thank you, Matthew McConaughey, your words are a treasure. There are people in this fucking world, besides him, who will treat you right. Now, leave me. But you unleashed the Juggernaut, you dumb cunt. He gets up on a stage and grabs a tool. Cut to the hazy afterlife version of Wadeâs apartment. In the kitchen, Wade prepares some Toaster Strudels. Deadpool steals a womanâs scooter and rides away. Gingivitis. Behind them, a wall explodes. DEADPOOL: Uncanny X-Men 183. Wade Wilson : And nobody fucking realizes it. We need to build a fucking team. âBangarangâ by Skrillex begins playing as the two fight. Kiss me like you miss me, Red. Deadpool pulls out some guns and points them at Russell. Left! I know it's called a Sea Breeze. Cable appears nearby and begins approaching the truck. People think they understand pain, but they have no concept of it. WADE: What do you mean it's not time? Cable : Why are you protecting the kid?Deadpool : I don't give a fuck about him and his Are You My Mother complex! DEADPOOL: People think you wake up a hero, brush your teeth a hero, ejaculate into a soap dispenser a hero. Dopinder : Oh, I shit my pants.Deadpool : Actually, that may have been me. COLOSSUS: That's the exact opposite of what they're meant for! Well, guess what, Wolvie? Cut back outside. And, believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. But there's a reason why I'm here, and I'll know when I know. Weasel looks at Dopinder and shakes his head. DEADPOOL: Stop, stop, stop! Wade smacks it out of the way and begins wrestling it from Cable. Cut back in the building. Looking at the skies I seem to see A million eyes which ones are yours? COLOSSUS: Wade, Vanessa is gone. DEADPOOL: My job! DEADPOOL: Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low! Deadpool imitates an explosion with his hands. A panic room? To make matters worseâ¦ it's a confusing time in your life right now. Negasonic sends him flying into some water nearby. WADE: I wonder what gang I'll be in. DEADPOOL: I don't speak Cantonese, Misterâ¦. Wade, Yukio. Just once. She kicks one in the crotch. I need to be selfless. I went to prison. DEADPOOL: I'm gonna miss him. DEADPOOL: Oh, my God. Wade begins to pursue Sergei. WADE: Oh. We have a deal and you fuck-. No killing anyone ever, no matter how bad. from Yentl." As they leave, Juggernaut gets up in the background. COLOSSUS: You've been sleep for three days. A shot is fired through the door. Weasel continues to narrate over the meeting. Say it! I'm never gonna dance again. WADE: Give me that back! All right, we could do this with four. Wait. WEASEL: Hold your testicles there, buddy, okay? Russell releases the maximum security prisoner. Wade? DEADPOOL: You're not the revenge type. DEADPOOL: Only the main ones. RUSSELL: Must be hard being the biggest guy in here. As Cable goes to shoot Domino, Deadpool flies inside, coming to her rescue. Colossus picks Wade up and throws him against a nearby wall, holding him above the ground. He smokes again, then pulls down his mask. They begin fighting. MAN: Over and over, I hear people say, "I just don't have enough confidence." Black Tom, Sluggo, and another mutant walk over to the table. [narrating after attempting suicide by blowing himself up] FUCK Wolverine! He gets up nearby. All right, let's flip a coin. May, if it's a girl. Deadpool heads back to the taxi, but turns around. That guy's in a mood. I want to belong to something, like you, Pool sir.Deadpool : Dopinder, you never cease to surprise me. But I did take eighth grade Spanish, so donde esta la biblioteca? Wade misses, and the cream cheese spreader gets lodged in the doorframe. And promise me, promise me one thing: that you'll start judging people not by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.Cable : Jesus... Cable : There's nothing I can't kill.Deadpool : Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a first time for everything,son." Maybe I couldn't save Vanessa, but maybe I can save a robust teenager from New Zealand. Deadpool begins climbing into the front seat. It's just hard to picture. Oh, but Paul! COLOSSUS: We should leave before Fuckernaut wakes up. From off screen, Dopinder drives the taxi straight into the headmaster, killing him instantly. We are so fucked! But that isn't Russell. We see flashes of Wade falling through a mysterious space, with visions of himself and Vanessa in the background. As the camera pans away from their cell, Russell looks around the prison. DEADPOOL: No, no! A guard corners Russell. Deadpool and Cable notice the headmaster running to cover nearby. Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, if you can get you a hair dryer. I don't wanna die without an audience. You used the last of your fuel. Cable struggles to get up. DEADPOOL: I don't know how to thank you. I killed every last one of them, except me. WEASEL: Russell's in a convoy heading southbound on Gerry Duggan Parkway. Heâs hooked up to Cerebro. RUSSELL: Friend? Wade tackles Cable and tries to take the gun from him. DEADPOOL: I'm not even gonna look, because you did it for me. They turn their attention back to Juggernaut. This doesn't end with us riding into the sunset. Cut back to the apartment. That kid needs our help! I'm asking you to save hundreds of other kids. WADE: Does this song sound familiar to you? DEADPOOL: Put your hands behind your knees and get down on your head! Until one day, he kills the wrong fucking people. Search, discover and share your favorite Papa Can You Hear Me GIFs. DEADPOOL: Oh, shit. The prisoner inside knocks back in return. NEGASONIC: Did you just say "hollow points"? Ryan Reynolds (Wade Wilson / Deadpool) #Music. Inside the X-Mansion, Colossus reads the X-Men manual. DEADPOOL: Vanisher. DEADPOOL: I could get used to this X-Man shit. OFFICER: Get a power restraint on him. Sergei gets in his car and peels off but swerves and crashes into oncoming traffic. DEADPOOL: It's just it's hard to picture. He turns around to see a vision of all of his friends surrounding his body. And how would I do that exactly? Zeitgeist and Bedlam high five. Deadpool : No, you did it for me. AL: You're lucky I didn't shoot you in the-. Deadpool releases his parachute, landing on the railed walkway below the billboard. Juggernaut rips Deadpool in half and throws him to the ground. PETER: I don't know much about this Cable fella, but I guarantee he hasn't killed as many people as melanoma has. Go get him, tiger! We were gonna start a family. It fires, sending them both back into the metal structure and blowing a hole in the wall. Deadpool puts Zeitgeistâs picture on a wall. Pick on someone your own size! They run off to stop Russell. It's why I'm cursed to be a solo act. CABLE: Here's a spoiler alert. Doing the right thing is sometimes messy and fucked up, and not particularly convenient! Go on, you're doing it. DEADPOOL: But you know something? Puns. You're absolutely right. CABLE: It's my daughter's teddy bear. DEADPOOL: I'd rather die of cancer. You have a good heart. With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Russell sends him flying over towards Cable. Deadpool screams. DEADPOOL: Yeah.